DEAR LISTENER,
My difficulty is anxiety. I feel light headed, dizzy, terrified, pressure, and fear.
It’s affecting me in the way that some experiences in my life I don’t do that I would like to do because of the anxiety. It’s hard talking to people and hard to engage in an activity. When it gets bad I just try and push through it and take deep breaths. Usually I just hold it in until the stress is gone.
I notice that I [feel anxious] when I put myself in situations. There are many things that I could do or change. I’ve also noticed that when I have low or zero anxiety, I can do much better in activities and really focus.
I can change the way I look at other people. Most of the time, I think that I have the worst of it and it’s only me. But there are many people dealing with the same problem. I feel like if I took a moment to look around I could feel more calm.
I’ve honestly stopped trying to work with it and just let it happen. I’ve tried so many times to calm down in situations but it usually takes over. Recently I have been focusing on certain things or objects when I’m hitting peak anxiety. I feel like I’m getting better at it but time will only tell.
Thinking about this problem might help me learn how other people deal with their difficulties and to enjoy my life.
Sincerely,
Student #56
DEAR ONE,
Thanks for letting me read your writing about anxiety.
Right away I want to high five you on seeing and admitting this. Recognition is the best thing we can do for ourselves—you know, to see what is getting in the way of being more relaxed and happy.
I have anxiety, too. So I understand what you mean when you say that it gets in the way of engaging in activities or talking to others. And, also like you, I notice how different my life experience is when I’m not feeling anxious.
So the goal is to be with our anxiety instead of being ruled by it.
You write: "I've tried so many times to calm down in situations but it usually takes over. Recently I've been trying to focus on certain things or objects when I'm hitting peak anxiety." That is an antidote I also use for anxiety. Odd as it seems, placing attention on a sound—say the ticking of a clock or the air handler, or on a form such as a flower or a tree is an excellent way to be present with the anxiety until it passes.
Or try this, watch the anxious emotion itself. At the first ember of anxiety, you know before it becomes a huge bonfire, I find a place to be alone if possible, but if not, where ever I am and for whatever time I can, I softly notice where I’m feeling the anxiety in my body. For me, it’s a tight stomach, a racing heart, and sometimes my hands are clammy. Then I give my mind a small job of getting to know my anxiety.
Or, I quietly ask myself questions like:
If anxiety was a color, what would it be?
If anxiety was a piece of music, what would it be?
If anxiety was an article of clothing, what would it be?
If anxiety was a place, where would it be?
If anxiety was an animal, what would it be?
If anxiety was a sports team, what would it be?
If anxiety was a pair of shoes, what would they be?
If anxiety was a movie, which one would it be?
Get it? See what happens when you try this.
The detective work reveals anxiety's qualities.
These strategies interrupt anxiousness.
I want to end by calling out something very important. You say that you notice others who struggle with anxiety. Fantastic. Seeing that we are not the only one with negative emotions helps us feel connected with others. We all have problems and we all want to be free of our problems. We all want to be happy, calm, and enjoy peace. It takes a little work, but the fact that we know we're anxious and admit it means we're more than halfway there.
Take care. Let me know how you're doing or if you have any questions.
Scott
