The boy I have liked for the past year and a half is potentially moving to a private school out of state, pending receiving a scholarship.

What feelings arise?

I feel very happy for him, and want him to have this opportunity, but at the same time I know I’ll feel lost without our friendship and perpetually regretful that I didn’t initiate anything romantically.

I am held back from sharing my feelings because I care about him so much that I don’t really want to jeopardize our friendship. I also think I’m not a big risk-taker, particularly with something as emotionally tender as this.

How does it affect you?

It is consistently occupying my mind and making me feel regret about past decisions. I regret not befriending him sooner. It probably would have expedited things. If I felt like I had the freedom to say it, I would tell him I liked him or ask him out somewhere.

What is your part?

As his friend, I need to be happy for him although I may be sad inside.

I am too distracted by this, and it is harming my life.

What are you learning about yourself, others, the situation?

I am learning that I am less self-centered than I would have anticipated. I’m putting him first, because I care about him (if only he knew that!)

Not telling him how I feel eliminates a potential interpersonal conflict, and maybe a stressor for him if he rejects me but still likes me platonically.

Not admitting my feelings only hurts me. Or maybe, it helps avoid drama and allows for my feelings to quietly dissipate.

What can you shift in your perspective?

I can shift to thinking about my time with him as something positive, rather than a time ridden with regrets. I became close friends with a cute, talented, and insightful person I wouldn’t have met if I didn’t initiate things.

How do you choose to work with your difficulty?

I choose to be happy for him and give myself the gift of moving on.

I know it’s best for me. My current decision could be because I am insecure and feel inferior to him. Moreso, I’m just inexperienced (although he’s even more inexperienced than I am, so I should calm down.)

(Added two weeks later) I don’t think he got the scholarship (he dropped vague hints) but I’m unsure. I’ll try to independently hang out with him soon. And see how that goes. We’ve definitely gotten closer lately, which is good.

What is this difficulty teaching you?

That working with my difficulties will decrease my stress.

15 years, male