My parents want me to be perfect and that’s so hard to fulfill. My problem is dealing with the stress of high school, which includes the upcoming Junior Year, filled with APs, SATs, ACTs, extra-curriculars, and sports teams.

What feelings arise? 

Fatigued, distressed, empty, inferior, alone at times. I feel alone in my mind and heart.

Being on the ball and having to pave the way for myself is hard and scary. What frightens me about having to pave my way is making a mistake.

I am my own college counselor in the sense that I have to decide for myself what steps to take in order to fill my dream and my parent’s expectation of me.

Having nightly rowing practice puts a stress on my family life at home, and as we are particularly close, times where I have a lot going on I feel down.

I feel as though throughout the year, crew is the main source of stress on my life, as my father rowed, and my parents want to see me compete in good boats, but training for hours and hours with all of this stress looming in the background makes it hard for me to juggle all of my commitments. Rowing puts a stress on my family too.

How does it affect you? 

I am always tired, always have to get up early to finish assignments and never get a break. I can never do stuff with my friends due to my school and commitments.

Being away from home more than I am home is tough on my family life. I never eat dinner with them during the week and rarely talk to them either.

My coping mechanisms are honestly coffee and chocolate right now. When I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed, I’ll brew a pot of coffee and munch on dark chocolate squares. Other than that, I just like to sit by myself and just breathe.

I always tell myself that being this scheduled is good preparation for adulthood, but I’m still a kid. I want to live and enjoy life now.

I have many years until the “real world” and I feel like I’m growing up too fast.

What is your part? 

I obsess over the little things. I freak out when I have too much on my plate. I overstress and obsess, which is something I’m trying to stop.

I am very Type A.

What are you learning about yourself, others, the situation?

I’m learning how much I actually do, and how it may be too much. As high school students, we have this stress about COLLEGE. It is seen as the ultimate determiner of your high school career. Wherever I go, I’ll be successful, so why do I stress out? I feel guilty when I engage in leisure activities now, and coming from that structured lifestyle, I never did engage in them. I now realize how important it is to relax.

What can you shift or turn around in your thoughts, feelings or viewpoint? 

I could take more time out of my day for leisure and family. This could be just 20 minutes before bed talking to them or sitting in my bed reading my favorite magazine.

How do you choose to work with your difficulty?

I choose to do just that—take more time out of my day for leisure and family—and make an effort to do so every night. It will make me happier, and healthier. 

What is this difficulty teaching you?

Everyone needs time to relax, no matter who you are, and I will use that knowledge throughout my life.

NOTE (two weeks after processing the difficulty)

The crew season just ended last week.

I am happier, healthier, and finally am enjoying life for once.

Balance in my life would be without rowing. Right now, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a while. I go home after school, get my work done, exercise on my own, and go out to dinner with my family.

With crew, I never could spend time with friends. Now, I can. I feel as though high school is a time to explore and have fun, but with such a structured lifestyle, it’s almost impossible to do so.