I can’t decide if I want to continue rowing for the next two years. The decision is ultimately mine but I do have many people influencing the choice.

What feelings arise?

I feel conflicted about whether I should stay on the team.

I feel a little lost because I’m not sure what to do to make the decision. It’s true. My un-sureness is linked to the goods and bads of the crew.

I am uncomfortable being so unsure.

How is not knowing whether or not you want to row affecting you?

I feel like I’m on an emotional seesaw that is constantly going up and down, back and forth. Sometimes my teammates are fun and I have a good practice and I think I shouldn’t quit but then I’ll have a horrible practice and wonder why I still go. The root of my un-sureness probably stems from my fear of making the wrong decision.

It’s hard to always be so unsure.

 What is your part?

I constantly wrestle with whether I will or will not row. If someone said I had to row I could just deal with it and keep going. Someone telling me that “you have to choose now” would make me just want to quit. My issue is really fear of committing and then being stuck and unhappy.

What are you learning?

I don’t love crew as much as I used to. But I’m also learning that it does mean something to me and knowing this makes it hard to walk away.

The pros of committing are:

Looks good for college

Gets me working out every day

Winning is a good feeling

I have good friends on the team

It keeps me out of trouble

The cons of committing:

It’s extremely unfair

It usually leaves me frustrated

I’ve cried over it more than anything else

The workouts are often horrible

My teammates can be very nasty and rude

It’s a lot of work for little pay off

It extremely limits my social life and keeps me from doing things I want to

2 Ks

What can you shift in your thinking, beliefs, things you say, behavior about this problem?

Maybe I can shift and consider making a choice based on what makes me happiest. I suppose if I really should choose what makes me happy, then I should quit.

How do you choose to work with your difficulty?

I do get to make the choice not to row for the summer. I can take the summer away from crew to distance myself so that I can see the issue more objectively. I am motivated by a need to make the best decision for myself and try new things. But my family does have a say in how they feel about it.

What is this difficulty teaching you?

Taking the summer off to distance myself from practicing rowing might bring me clarity about what I want to do.

Taking breaks will help me breathe and think clearly.

Taking a break will give time to try new things. During summer break, I want to try boxing and volunteering at my dad’s surgery center and getting a job.

16 years, female