I have a friend who is changing herself so that she can fit in with a different crowd.

What feelings arise?

Frustrated. I want what is best for her but I worry that if I give her my advice, she will become upset with me.

How is it affecting you?

I have been thinking about this situation much more than I probably should be.

I know what she should do, but I worry that even if I tell her, she will not see what is right.

What is your part in this difficulty?

I feel that because she is my friend I have a responsibility to look out for her, even if the truth may upset her.

I am not trying to impose my thoughts on my friend however I just want to make her aware of the fact that she might not be making the best choices. I do not want to become extremely involved in the situation. Therefore, I have to make sure that everything that I say to her is kind.

What are you learning? 

I am learning that I am not in control of the situation.

I am learning that I am in control of what I say. If she will realize her own actions, I know that she will learn from them. I just do not want her to be hurt in the meantime.

I am learning that I would give myself the same advice—if I was in the same situation.

I have to let my friend realize on her own that her actions are affecting others.

I think that what is best for her is to stay out of trouble. I do not want her to make a mistake that will bother her later. For me, I feel that it is best to help her but also to not become too involved. I always try to do what is best, so it does make me feel unsure about what to do in this situation. Sometimes when people give me advice, I am not always the happiest about it, but I know that they are only trying to do what is best for me. She has been my friend for so long that I find it difficult to talk to her this way.

I think that she should realize that she is a truly amazing person without having to be popular. I do not believe that all of my advice is always correct, however, in this case I believe that my friend is too caught up trying to impress others rather tan doing what is right for herself.

What can you shift in how you view yourself, this situation, or others?

I feel that someone with a different perspective would also agree with how I am feeling. The problem is not directed towards me so I believe that someone else would understand my perspective.

I know that I can only say how I feel. Whether or not my friend agrees with me is her choice.

How do you choose to work with your difficulty? 

I have not yet made my choice. I want to help my friend out and allow her to see the consequences ahead. However, I do not want to lose my friend.

I have to see how I will choose to respond. I know that we will still continue to be friends even if I tell her how I feel.

What is the difficulty teaching you? 

Whatever occurs because of this dilemma will provide me with knowledge that will benefit me in the future.

I am aware that a situation similar to this could occur again, and I want to be prepared with how I am going to react to it.

17 years, female