I don’t think I’ll pass my music audition.

What feelings arise? 

I feel pessimistic.

I feel guilty for not practicing as much as I should.

I feel competitive toward the other people who are auditioning.

I feel extremely anxious. I feel like if I don’t pass, other people would be disappointed and so I feel a lot of pressure to do well.

How does your difficulty affect you?

It just affects me mentally because I sometimes think about what I would do if I fail. If I fail, my parents, teacher, and myself would be disappointed. If I put so much time and effort into something I would feel mad that nothing came of it.

This happens at school when the teacher is lecturing. When teachers lecture I just don’t have anything else to think about.

What is your part? 

I think I am overstressing over the situation.

My teacher says I’ll do fine, but I don’t think that way. I think I’m just extremely pessimistic and have low self-esteem and confidence.

What are you learning?

I practice about 45 minutes a day. I think I could practice more, but school comes first and don’t have time. Time hinders. The fact I’m not forced to play help. 

I could try and be more positive about the situation and try and have confidence that I will do fine.

The more I practice the better I will be. Give more piece of mind.

I have high expectations for myself. I expect myself to be perfect, even though I know it’s impossible having unrealistic expectations worsens the issue.

My lack of confidence comes from my sister. We are twins so it is extremely competitive. Most people (parents, peers) compare us, and the verdict comes out to be my sister is better at most things. So I think constantly being told I’m not good enough is where my lack of confidence comes from.

What can you shift in your perspective? 

I can move forward by accepting if I fail and just try harder the next time.

I could try and take people’s compliments as what they actually mean, rather than just thinking they said that, but don’t actually mean what they said and that they complimented me to just make me feel better.

My teacher would think I am ready to audition. The root is that I don’t feel insecure. My teacher also says that musicians normally don’t accept being told they are great. So maybe I second guess myself.

How will you work with your difficulty?

I think I can practice more to reassure myself.

My motivation is to please my parents because they have high expectations.

I also want to do better in music and reach further levels.

I’m willing to practice 15 minutes more. I don’t want to sacrifice my school study over music.

For myself I want to become a better musician and prove my worth to other people.

What is your difficulty teaching you?

If I follow through, it can teach me to have more self-esteem and confidence. It can help me realize that.

Even if I don’t succeed, to not give up.

NOTE (two weeks after processing difficulty)

My audition happened. Overall I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I’d be for the audition. I practiced much more over the last week leading up and that reassured me. I don’t think I could have done anything more. I did sacrifice sleep for longer practice though, but that didn’t really affect me. I felt slightly confident afterward.

16 years, female