"Imagine the quality of mind evoked by looking at something you have never seen before under a microscope or gazing out at the stars through a telescope for the first time. You can look at all of your experiences with the same sense of awe." - Elizabeth Mattis Namgyel

Begin with quiet and stillness. 

Be curious.

Take a humble attitude. 

Approach this activity with kindness and warmth.

Answer every question. (This is not about being a good writer.)

Get a paper and pencil. Write "1." Answer that question. Write what comes to you. Then "2." Answer. And so on.

1. What is your difficulty?

In a few sentences state your difficulty.

2. What feelings arise?

Have you ever heard this, "You can't go over it, you can't go under it, you can't go around it, you have to go through it (Michael Rosen)"? That message is the essence of this question.

Feeling our feelings rather than escaping them is a super power. And it takes courage because you're inviting in what is most messing with your mind and heart. So, with gentleness, be kind to yourself, especially while having tough feelings such as anger, jealousy, hatred, or grief. (A Feelings List might be helpful.)

3. How is the difficulty affecting you?

Where is it showing up in the physical (body, places, things), emotional (feelings), intellectual (mind—beliefs, thoughts, ideas), and ineffable apsects of your being? What is the story you're telling yourself about this problem? How are you coping?

4. What is your part in the difficulty?

This question does not mean that you did anything bad (or good). It asks you to reflect on your relationship with or participation in the difficulty. And, it infers that we can work with our reactions: our beliefs, our thoughts, our feelings, our words, and our actions.

5. What are you learning about yourself?

Be curious about what helps and what hinders. Write about your habits and patterns, realizations.

6. What can you shift in your thinking about yourself, the difficulty or others?

This is the let go question. Have you ever imagined what it must be like to see the world through someone else's eyes (Elizabeth Mattis Namgyel)? That's the attitude to take when you answer this question. Let yourself play with new perspectives, perceptions, and interpretations. For example, imagine looking at your difficulty from another point of view, another point in time, or as another person in a similar situation.

7. How do you choose to respond to or work with your difficulty?

This is not a "fix-it" question. Instead, think of your chosen response as an experimental action that does not escalate your difficulty nor polarize or harm you or others. (Look at your intention behind the response.) Then give that action a go. After trying that new way, reflect on it—how did it go, if it went well, resolve to continue on.

8. What might you learn from your difficulty?

This question suggests that we can benefit from all experiences, even difficult ones. Let yourself have a long view of what is happening. What would your 10-years-into-the-future self say about what this experience taught you?

One more thing.

After answering the questions, consider reading what you wrote to someone you trust.

Choose someone who has experience in holding a confidence. Ask the person to quietly listen from your point of view without offering advice or solutions. Or send your response to me. I consider it a privilege to listen.

Admitting what we say, do, or think about our difficulty, and our intent to implement a new action is clarifying and motivating.

The Questions PDF